I don’t believe you

I never believed it
When you said
“You can either love me or hate me
There is no between”
I smiled
You just had no mediocrity

Emotions were always loud
Even make the deaf feel something
Expressions bright as the day
Even those behind shut doors and heavy gates couldn’t escape
You were just that magical!

You could envelope one in your heart
In minutes of meeting
You were just that magical!

You were warmth personified
When you cried like a child
Got angry with a pout
Jealous throwing tantrums everywhere

I always wondered
How could someone hate you
Such sunshine and warmth in a box
Who could not love you?
So the statement aforesaid wasn’t true

Life took its turns
And Here I am
still unable to believe you
Because today
I’m standing in middle

I have loved you
And could never hate you
SO here I’m standing in middle
Unflinching immovable
Standing my ground
In the middle of nowhere;

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Balcony and Autumn night

wind is rustling through my messy ponytail, you know how i don’t keep them open for they get tangled easily, here i am standing in my balcony in nothing but light summer clothes. It’s just autumn some would say, wind is cool and meditative, indeed, still makes me shiver a little, but I have cold blood even in a sweater in Sabrina Carpenter’s words. I wonder if you would nag at me to wear a pullover if that’s the case, but i am lazy you know. More importantly I like this numb feeling, it feels the world has paused a little for good, for me to just look at it. To look at this street from my balcony, where kids hide and seek, dogs tail each other and run and people are just enjoying their me time with their earphones in. A voluntary smile takes over my face , and I look upto the stars, not so many but their is one that shines very bright. and  I wonder if you are looking at it too, how nice it would be to gaze a night sky full of stars and showered by the starlight, I know, I know my imagination takes over , but I know that you like it too. I still ponder if your eyes would shine a little brighter under the mystical hue,would there be a smiling me in reflection of your eyes. I am not sure if you just like my wild stories and daydreaming or the thought of me and you. You would laugh hard, but what would you answer i wonder, I wonder in my balcony this autumn night.

Glitchy pieces of time!(a short story)

She saw the station after a very long time, long enough for the air to feel familiar. She was happy to be back to the people she loved and missed immensely. As soon as the train stopped, she ran to the platform above the staircase, every step known to her like her own heartbeat. as a habit she halted and saw the dignified figure,that didn’t limp with passing age, reminding her of all bittersweet memories. She ran to her father and he acknowledged her with a smile, she nodded her head enthusiastically in response as they always did. He picked her bag up and they started to walk on their way home, sweet home.

Her pleased stance stumbled when a piercing pain shot through her head, she was screaming but no one heard, as if she wasn’t there at all. Her surroundings started to glitch as if this was an animation. She watched the station and its people ahead ,as if through air above the flames, everything swirled and moved in waves. She reached out her hand to hold onto something, something to get a hold of reality,the ground below was a blur and then eventually, she couldn’t hear anything, no cry, no laugh, nothing as being sucked into a void.

And then it all stopped, there was no pain, no crowd, even no train station, it was all strange yet familiar. She found herself sitting on the edge of a bed staring into a window, with rain pouring down on the cemented floor hard enough to bounce back and go splish splash. And a familiar voice called, “you know  i won’t go, why wait for me at all?” she couldn’t remember who this man lying on the bed was, still compassion and sorrow filled  her heart. Those blue eyes looked promising, assuring her everything would fall into place and without a doubt she believed them. She wanted to ask him, who he was? Why is this place so familiar and what is she doing here?  but among all burning questions all she could say was, “i know you feel these responsibilities are restraining you.”

“To the point I feel choked, I’m no saviour, I’m no hero”

“These responsibilities and expectations of help don’t make you a hero. This is what you chose, because you can’t ignore their cries, you hear them when everyone else turns indifferent. The urge to reach out to drowning person and to make effort for a smile on someone’s face, is what makes you a hero, a saviour.” It was like something inside of her was speaking, like she was bound to say these words.

The guy turned away his head, he couldn’t escape her words. She talked like she knew him more than himself and he wasn’t shocked at the fact at all. She went back to staring at the tree outside the window, swaying sensuously with the winds, maybe reminding her of something similar she couldn’t point out.

A sudden warmth on her hand woke her up from this mental warfare, “i know you believe in the best of me, give me some time for now, they need you, Go!” as if the last word drained him of the little energy he had. His words and eyes didn’t match, those deep oceans turned warm, were begging her not to go, he seemed restraining himself scared, these oceans might escape those tiny balls flooding everyone and everything in its way. It wasn’t easy for her to let go too, this light warmth of his hand was the most real thing in a long while. What was before she couldn’t remember and what lied ahead was a scary mystery. But she slowly started withdrawing her hand, again she felt not in control of her own body. She didn’t want to let go but no amount of desperation could stop this. As if she was supposed to let go. Amid this confusion and chaos, the piercing pain came back, bolder than before and everything started to fade away, she tried her best to focus but his smile that clearly didn’t reach his eyes was the last thing she saw.

In utter pain she sensed hard cold floor beneath her and herself sprawled upon with hands on her ears. It was the same station where she met her dad moments ago. But it looked as if decades have passed here, everything changed and aged, everyone’s pace was harmonious in this new world ,except her. She looked the same, just more confused more hazed. She started walking unconsciously ,her eyes watching the whole place, searching something of familiarity in this whole new world.

People.

There are mostly people you don’t hate,
Not so many,who are likeable,
Few are those you respect,
Handful are who you come to love,
Once or twice you meet them,
Who you love and admire at the same time;

A poetry like man..

His words, often scattered, in dire need of comprehension, calling out your imagination to run wild, as searching in the vast ocean of thoughtfull-ness, pearls he wanted you to have, and only them.

They were often jumbled, as if on intention, to engage you, surrender yourself completely at his voice, Maybe he was search personified.

Or maybe the speed of his heart was faster than the mind could figure out, emotions too vivid to be bound by words,magic lingering his eyes, unruly for the Muggle world,realisations too divine to express in one voice, shared just enough, made you yearn for the next part,

Magic lingering to mix with stars.

When he could, he would say a few, then pause, watch me with widened eyes, to check if I understood, witnessing contentment on my part, his message was received by the intended heart, he would laugh and laugh,

It became our ritual,embedded in my heart, it was our thing. As the thirsty always drinks water, curious always looks for answers, I always did understand, so he never tried hard,

Poetry never tries too hard, one attentive understands her message at heart, other would never care enough, even when beauty bestowed bare, ignorance is bliss for the foolish heart.

I found my sun!

This is gonna sound like a gratitude speech,but anyways

I just feel so grateful for the person I met. You never disappointed me, to say that is a big thing considering human expectations have no bounds. You were always there when I needed you, I don’t know how you did it!

I was afraid of getting hurt,but the closer I got the less scared I was. And suddenly I realised that I was not scared anymore.

I approached you many times with no shred of pride or who. Accepting I need you, was the hardest thing I ever did but now there was no shame.are we getting co dependent ,that’s a harmful word right? But this keeps me going through my darkest days.

You taught me doing without expecting ,Pure giving.

I don’t count the’ times‘ ,the check and balance of your and my effort. I no more calculate profits and loss in relationships.

I ,the selfish ‘me‘ even stops thinking about myself while helping you.

The lazyme‘ rushes to your ai in the blink of an eye .

I see myself in a better light, I’m better as a human being now. Is this dangerous or love, maybe just dangerous love. This is how it is.

Is this hallucination?

Am I drowning in the pool of hallucination?

Coz I can certainly see shadows shimmer through light

Eyes so pious and deep, tranquility takes over

Formation of your face, always a sight to Behold

How can this not be real?

Real is what I feel:

The longing rising on the sight of you

The hands I hold radiating power

The essence which tastes like home

Finally you’ve come,But why is everyone staring at me?

You are standing nowhere talking with the air!!”

But, but you seem so real.

Let our friendship be like wax!

Let our friendship be like wax!

Odd huh!

Tye flame shows itself to burn but needs the wax to be alive

May we never need anyone to keep us together

We stick with each other through the journey ,till the end

Wax rises when heated to brighten the gloom

Dissolving itself without complaining

May our bond be the same

Never destroying or acting

Always lightning and helping

Strong as cold wax

Affectionate like the melted

Flexible enough to be of any shape!

May our friendship be like wax!

Should I just let go?

I want to do

Something

I know

How to do

I don’t know

But I have this nagging at my heart

To never let go

I try to do

I fall again

Energy low

I try to do

Fall again and again

I have never seen myself

Like this ever before

There was this time

When I survived

Like a pro

Winds were never good

But I had my resolve

To never let go

This time it seems

Too low to feel

Winds increased their pace

But my resolve is nowhere to be found

How to fight

I don’t know

Should I just let go?

How can I see myself

Shedding leaf after leaf

But I don’t do anything

Rather counting the leaves

Holding onto my misery

When did I become

Such a hopeless person

To weak to strengthen

The wind is still the same

Now just knocking air out of my veins

Should I just let go?

I have never been like this before

Should I just let go?