A black out!

I had always heard people saying,” I just blacked out, I don’t remember anything” I always wondered how a body can go unconscious suddenly and mind doesn’t know anything.

When I was in 8th grade ,singing praise and worship songs in the morning assembly,there was one of my classmates right next to me . She was smiling ,we all were. And suddenly I feel a movement strange from the previous, I turn briskly and see her body collapsing . Like a building collapses if you attack its base, she was collapsing , falling on the ground with utter velocity .I catched her in my arms, teachers came to help, her eyes were half open. I remember asking her if she remembered a bit . She just said,”I remember dancing and I couldn’t see then and the next is I was in this room.” That was strange for me.

Now I know what a complete blackout is, maybe I’m sharing this because I want people to know if they ever in life deal with it. They know the strangeness you feel at that time is completely normal. Or maybe just because I want to share. It’s a reason good enough right? Best thing is you never need a reason to right , you feel it , you do it!

So I was walking towards the rest room from my chair which was 25 meters away. I felt strange numbness in my ears as if they weren’t here. I couldn’t concentrate on what others were saying. Then I felt very light like I’m a feather which could just fly . This was too much so I settled down on a chair. After 1 minute, I felt better so I headed again for the washroom.

The distance left was just 10 metres, I was about to touch the door of the washroom ,when the numbness returned. I couldn’t again hear the sounds of outside, I tried shaking my ears to feel something. I couldn’t. I felt my body weighing too much to handle for me so I catched the railing which was near. And the next I know my hands are shivering like nuts, they were just giving up ,they couldn’t hold me more. I again tries to reach someone or that door. In that moment it just felt I need to reach my destination,I took a step and I couldn’t see anything, faint sounds could be heard. I was falling down but I was resisting ,I was willing to stand up but I couldn’t order my body, it was not under my control. So I was falling down in slow motion or at least I felt so. It was like I was floating in space throughout the fall, I stretched my hands for something to grasp ,to feel something real, there was nothing, I craved the ground. When I finally touched it, a person came rushing towards me to pick me up. It was just her might that she made me stand up as my body wasn’t responding to her much . But when I stood up on my legs ,all the senses returned gradually. And I realised that I blacked out for few seconds. And I also became conscious in a fewer.

*These were all the details of about 25 seconds as I couldn’t grasp the time accurately.

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lucky or unlucky?

I lost my watch!
God, so unlucky!
“i am lucky you see!”
How would that be?
“I am lucky because I’m happy
because my mother loves me
for i am free,
Like that bird on the tree,
I won a huge ice-cream in the lottery,
I solved the movies mystery,
In breakfast i got a extra cookie,
And life has gifted many things to me,
I return it by living like crazy”


Suddenly a ball lands at the feet of the lady,
And children scream to kick it,
Then i have a look at her legs,
The girl full of life had lifeless legs,
One of the boy kicked it ending her misery,
It clashed with the window too dusty,
Mr. Fitz came running towards the three,
“See i would have been scolded if i kicked it,
i told you I’m lucky”
She left me hazy,
The power of optimism is amazing!

conversation

The basic idea of conversation is give and take. It’s a flow in short. We let our thoughts flow into words and then let the thoughts of someone else flow through us. It is purely an exchange but with no measure. We do not measure how much we allow to flow through us and how much we let go. Sometimes we have this huge waves to settle and it requires time. But today there is a habit to look over everything as profit or loss. A meaningful conversation is always helpful. It’s a tricky job, you should just know when to be a listener and when speak. We lack listeners even if god has given us two ears, the whole emphasize is on one mouth. We should hear more and speak less. Everyon eis in search of people who would patiently listen to them. The situation is that some talk to toys, trees, some make imaginary friends, and some just get drunk and spill their guts to a stranger.if you can be a listener, yu are lucky. For you have the waters under control and can be the oceans where all flow rests and wave hits. Be yourself, be a listener, you never know how much of a help you are. You might just save a person.

The street down the alley..

I was standing waiting,
At the same spot for you
I was there ,
The street down the alley,
You were moving towards me.,
I was happy,
Then suddenly you walked over me,
Took the flyover the street,
Maybe the road of my heart was too downtrodden ,and rough
Maybe I couldn’t give you the life of comfort,
Maybe I’m not enough ,
You need tgat flyover,
Whuch is polished,
Where life goes on smooth,
That’s what you require,
But atleast don’t blame on me,
I pretended to be someone
You desired,
I’m the same,
I was always the street down the alley,
You couldnt make!

Today I read a noble man

Today, I read a noble man
His works
His obstacles
His life
His teachings
He is called Gandhi
Was there a difference a made?
I thought walking down the alley,
Bumped into someone mistakenly,
Her angry push shoved me to the wall,
Fury coursing through everywhere veins fall,
I raised my hand,
“Is it worth this all”,
A sound came like the inner call,
It is the difference ,
He made,
Making louder the inner voice,
So you have to listen it without choice,
It is the difference,
He made ,
So he was called Bapu by all.

Did you see my fear?

My name was called. People say no one judges you, focus on your self, don’t see anyone. But is it possible to stand in front of a hundred eyes and act as you are unnoticed. You must be a great actor for that. Alas! I’m not that too. I prepare and collect myself and start moving towards the stage. the steps heavier one by one,air cold with every breath,all advices far away,i feel desolated. when I reach the podium, I struggle to stand comfortably and sink in the whole view in front of me, how can I not?

I greet everyone, that part always goes right,when I start the first lines whether by heart or not,the heart starts thumping like a dilapated drum,i ts voice painful to ears, it’s screaming which I can’t bear. still I take deep breaths and don’t stop.

Till the third line, exhaustion fills my insides but I get used to it. in the mid of forth , the ground begins trembling but no one else notices it,why I wonder, because only my legs can feel the tremor,they refuse to let me stand. hiding them behind the podium ,I continue, the tremor normal now as if I’m a citizen of japan . fifth flows away like a stubborn guest,uncalled. sixth, I feel my fingers trying to hold on something desperately but return as a lost player,shivering from the loss,i keep them on podium to give them a cover. by eighth I feel near to end,all of me freezing like sleeping in a snow bed. Ninth covers my throat ,voice box angry to let it out,f or straining it to no ends. it becomes thick , with a stone entrapped in it, shivers all over, joining everyone at the cold party. But I keep going on. Tenth line, I say a bit shaky and ‘thank you’ends my misery. I become silent hiding my vulnerabilities .

A thunder clap echoed the halls for how long ,I didn’t know. Friends came telling, I did excellent in one go. it took minutes to register ,what did I just do. I was too busy fighting my demons, when I entered the heaven I didn’t know.they didn’t see the terrifying evils,tgey didn’t see my fear,I guess they didn’t know! Did you see my fear?

Losing- an art

We lose sometimes ,everyone does. Now there maybe some whom you think never lost, but their victory has many hidden failures behind them. As it is said, “one hit at the target is the result of ninety nine miss”. Thus there is no great victory without failures behind it.

But most of us are not aware of the art of losing. We do not accept our failure and keep finding excuses on what to blame it. You are just lost. But the art of losing is when you accept all the reasons whole heartedly and believe it happened so you have a chance in future for improving. Acceptance is always the door before which there is nothing and after which there is everything.

For instance, when I went for shooting one day and didn’t get any right shot, I thought I was not taught properly,or how can it just be possible! At that time I was a lost person but during the long journey from the field to home, I realised first, it was my first time and second God wants me to come here the next time so that I practice and not just end it in a one day activity.

I thought and thought there was not a single but many things I learnt that day, nothing is achieved in one day and it’s okay to not be good at everything . Also talent isn’t everything ,without hardwork a castle can’t be build even with the artists of taj mahal involved!

That day I learned the art of losing, what it holds to those who practice it.