My name was called. People say no one judges you, focus on your self, don’t see anyone. But is it possible to stand in front of a hundred eyes and act as you are unnoticed. You must be a great actor for that. Alas! I’m not that too. I prepare and collect myself and start moving towards the stage. the steps heavier one by one,air cold with every breath,all advices far away,i feel desolated. when I reach the podium, I struggle to stand comfortably and sink in the whole view in front of me, how can I not?
I greet everyone, that part always goes right,when I start the first lines whether by heart or not,the heart starts thumping like a dilapated drum,i ts voice painful to ears, it’s screaming which I can’t bear. still I take deep breaths and don’t stop.
Till the third line, exhaustion fills my insides but I get used to it. in the mid of forth , the ground begins trembling but no one else notices it,why I wonder, because only my legs can feel the tremor,they refuse to let me stand. hiding them behind the podium ,I continue, the tremor normal now as if I’m a citizen of japan . fifth flows away like a stubborn guest,uncalled. sixth, I feel my fingers trying to hold on something desperately but return as a lost player,shivering from the loss,i keep them on podium to give them a cover. by eighth I feel near to end,all of me freezing like sleeping in a snow bed. Ninth covers my throat ,voice box angry to let it out,f or straining it to no ends. it becomes thick , with a stone entrapped in it, shivers all over, joining everyone at the cold party. But I keep going on. Tenth line, I say a bit shaky and ‘thank you’ends my misery. I become silent hiding my vulnerabilities .
A thunder clap echoed the halls for how long ,I didn’t know. Friends came telling, I did excellent in one go. it took minutes to register ,what did I just do. I was too busy fighting my demons, when I entered the heaven I didn’t know.they didn’t see the terrifying evils,tgey didn’t see my fear,I guess they didn’t know! Did you see my fear?